Have you ever had that feeling when you have so many things to do you just want to teleport to an unknown place or maybe just disappear from the eyes of all so you can stop and finally have to time to get it all together? Well, I’ve been having that feeling for so long a time now that I already gave up and just kept my wish a lifelong dream to achieve.
This is what happens when I’m bored. I get to think of all the frustrations I have with work, with the people around me, and myself. I have always been like that. When I’m busy I’m so attuned with what I’m doing, my adrenaline is pumping so high, I can’t stop or even pause for a while. And when rest time comes and I finally have to chance to recharge and reflect, I pity myself for losing control over myself, that I am becoming a prisoner of my own self. Then I get to pour over the details of my work. Attribute that to my obsessive-compulsiveness. So I begin to realize the things I may have overlooked, the mistakes I made, the details I missed and I start beating the crap out of me for putting all the blame in my lack of attention and focus. Oh, the ever so perfectionist me! Then I start lecturing myself for feeling guilty that mistakes happen, that if I didn’t encounter that I wouldn’t have made the discovery. And take note: I am telling myself that out loud facing myself in the mirror. Hahaha!
Oh well, I have to get over this phase of immaturity already because I’m only punishing myself for no valid reason. I have to constantly tell myself that sometimes, I can only do so much so I have to stop trying to keep all things in perfect place. Things just aren’t.
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